From the Vault: The Ward - Bitesize Movie Review

Alarm bells rang straight away, right? You’d be right in thinking you recognise the lead actress if the words ‘Never Back Down’ entered your mind. The Ward does everything your typical horror would - the jumpy cuts, first-person camera angles, a freaky-ass dead girl running around causing murderous havoc, and a few odd-jobs thrown into a mental hospital, all mashed up to create the perfect formula for a good old-fashioned slasher movie.

The idea might be a little frayed – think the off-spring of a One Flew Under The Cuckoo’s Nest/Shutter Island concoction. Although, the fact that of the five in-mates, you’d be proud to take home three of them on looks alone to the parents, is too big to just oversee. That said, the film ticks all the boxes a horror should, with protagonist Amanda Heard leading a respectable cast to their deaths in surprisingly entertaining fashion, with an all-too-familiar twist that leaves you hungrily digging deep in the popcorn bucket for more film with your snack.

Although The Ward has nothing on the horror greats, it’s not a bad punt in the horror genre for director John Carpenter. But from a director whose resume includes Halloween and The Thing, it’s fair to say more could have been done. Still, Amanda Heard in any film is worth a watch. The girlfriend will probably watch, too.

Snoods and Football

So it's that time of the year again - Ice collects on your windscreen, you spend that extra few minutes showering since you're scared of the cold lurking outside, and any venture outside without gloves is unheard of. Winter has arrived and is set to stay. For the most of us football fans, it's understandably quite the task to sit frozen solid in a small, hard, plastic seat to watch two teams battle it out on the pitch, and that half-time cuppa can never quite come soon enough.

The thought of playing sport at this time of year may be greeted with ridicule for some of us, but as the keen sportsmen (and women) would tell us, it's not long until those Winter jitters are swept away, and instead sweat - actual sweat - accumulates on the brow and your body actual gets warm.

Watch any football match on television, and if you can find a single person (goalkeepers, for now, excluded) that isn't visibly sweating then I will personally hand-deliver you a Christmas present. Personally an early morning run, the cold air snapping at your cheeks as you briskly jog on, or a cycle ride down the promenade in Bournemouth is something I genuinely look forward to. Once you brush away those initial feelings of cold, and you realise your body is actually doing the complete opposite of turning to ice, sport in the Winter is actually one of the most exhilarating times for me.

Set your minds back 12 months ago if you will. Remember when footballers started wearing snoods? Those scarf-turned-body-warmers were all over the Premiership, regardless of the amount of criticism snood-wearers would get from the media. As soon as March came, snoods were quickly nestled away in closets or, as I prefer to imagine, burned in a mass fire on the training ground.

Well, turns out they're coming back. I saw one last week, in a Championship match, worn by a starting player. I don't want much for Christmas, but right now all I really want to ask for is for the snood to stay firmly out of football. Snoods don't make you more of a man, they don't add skill, and professional athletes cannot honestly believe that added warmth for three or so minutes will be a game-changer - heck, the name even sounds soft.

Footballers who warm up properly should already be warm - this including their muscles and their body temperature. Gloves are acceptable when you're throwing a ball, or breezing down the wing experiencing just as much of a challenge shrugging off the ice of your fingers than you are the full-back - but what do snoods bring to the game?

The beautiful game has been around for centuries. If snoods were needed, they would have been worn decades ago, not in the 2010s. We can all but pray they don't return.

Sam Waley-Cohen: Alternative Sports Personality of the Year 2011?

Dentist turned global superstar, amateur jockey Sam Waley-Cohen has made leaps and bounds since his arrival in the horse racing scene this year. Rarely can someone boast winning one of the greatest horse races at the greatest horse racing festival whilst riding their father’s horse, especially whilst being an amateur – but Sam can. 

A dentist at heart, Sam Waley-Cohen gets minimal chance to ride competitively in-between managing a full time dentist practice. If he’s lucky, he’ll be booked to ride one of champion trainer Nicky Henderson’s horses a few times a week – if not, it’s back to training on the mechanical exercise horse in his living room. Determination soon paid off, as he became the first amateur jockey in three decades to win the £475k-rated Cheltenham Gold Cup on the prestigious Long Run, just months after the pair scooped the King George VI Chase beating home the legendary Kauto Star.

The feat was almost repeated as Sam finished second aboard Oscar Time in a 40-strong field at the John Smith’s Grand National back in April. Just months after riding countless point-to-point races, the 30-year-old amateur is now one of the hottest properties in the business. Although jump racing is a jockey’s worst nightmare – as Sam puts it, “a field of broken hearts more than dreams” – Sam Waley-Cohen has broken through effortlessly, and with a fine 2011 form the amateur is quickly becoming a formidable force in the horse-racing scene.

Earth reaches 7bn - But what is our effect?

NOTE: If image is too small, click HERE for the full weblink. 

This is a rather remarkable infographic from the people at Discovery.com. From the word go, every fact has some kind of surprise element. For a start, just check out the weight of the entire population of ants, the birth rate around the world vs. the death rate per second, and perhaps more alarming, the population growth rate in Africa...

Technology's birth spelt social turmoil

It's fair to say technology rules life. 90% of people - and this is a guestimate - rely on technology in their day-to-day lives albeit at work, at home, or socialising. Anything journalists write will be written on a laptop, researched using the Internet, published across the world wide web before being shared by the public on laptops, mobile phones, tablets - in fact, anything with an Internet connection (which, these days, is virtually anything with a battery).

To demonstrate, a lecture I attended recently contained about as much phone vibrations as it did words coming from the lecturer's mouth. With phones lying on wooden desks, these vibrations are about as quiet as a landmine, and when they're going off left, right and centre, at times it felt like I was in a warzone.

It's a shame that technology dictates life, but it's scary to think that just 30 years ago the Internet was only just launching. Newsrooms only started using the Internet in the mid-nineties and before this time the phone was the only real source of news collecting. Technology 'back in the day' was never the be all and end all of everyday life; people didn't surround pixelated screens to get their kicks, they actually communicated face-to-face.

Fair enough, technology has blossomed and without the invention of such things as the Internet, without icons like Steve Jobs and Bill Gates, without techonological advancements such as GPS and Wi-Fi we wouldn't be anywhere near as privileged as we are today. However, it's a shame that technology is now relied upon as much if not more than basic demands like eating and sleeping. Gone are the days of sitting around a dinner table - at least without a mobile phone on the table, in a pocket, or on the sofa only a few feet away.

Imagine going shopping just ten years ago, leaving the shop assistant perplexed by every mention of LED TV, high definition, and 3G mobile phones. 'Back then' things were a whole load simpler, and even though there's no denying the world is moving forward, it's just a shame that life itself is taking a back seat behind technology.

Yes, okay, the Internet has done wonderful things for communication and business. Skype allows peer-to-peer conversations wherever your location, whilst Facebook and Twitter allow strangers to build social networks from their bedrooms. But the next time you're with your friends for a day - be it at home or out and about - try and not use your phone for the day, don't turn on the computer, don't even touch the TV. Go out and explore, play a sport, lounge about in a park. Hard, isn't it?

Crash Course in 'Green' Motoring

After setting up a Twitter account for my media project, I can't help but get excited about the prospect of what I've taken on. Starting with a brief framework with the words 'Green', 'Electric' and (thanks to a BMW-loving father) 'BMW i8', through just minimal research online I've found there's a huge interest in electric and greener cars. 

All of the major car manufacturers I've researched are, or plan to, produce more eco-friendly cars in the coming years. There are obviously a few hybrids already existing in the market - with Toyota a large player in the game - but there are extremely encouraging signs that this is just the beginning.

There's a film that premiered last month called Revenge of the Electric Car, a documentary monitoring the electric car's rise after a previous film by the same director Chris Paine monitored the demise of such technology. In the trailer I've seen, there is footage from a congress with one man mentioning that until the streets are lined with electric cars, he will not stop creating electric cars or push for change. People like this really do command respect for everything they do.

Just over a century ago, Henry Fords' self-titled car, the first of its kind, hit the market. Since, cars have evolved steadily. Starting with thoughts that any speed over 20mph would kill a man, technology has progressed so that not only speed, but in-car features, handling, emissions and reliability has all inproved leaps and bounds.

The next step to the car's future is surely electric. Fair, electric cars may not be ready to hit the mainstream just yet, but with eco-friendly cars pumping out surplus 80mpg it is only a matter of when, not if, the future will change dramatically.

Where would Arsenal be without Robin Van Persie?

NOTE: THE BELOW ARTICLE HAS BEEN PUBLISHED FOR KETTLEMAG.COM, NOV 2012

Countless times already this season Arsenal have looked vunerable - and that's putting it gently. A 4-3 loss to Blackburn early in the season was just a taste of things to come, with the Champions League qualifiers also losing in heavy fashion to Manchester United last month. Their 3-1 win against Stoke City yesterday was almost yet another disappointing result had it not been for Van Persie. Arsenal are walking a tightrope, and without their ring-leader they're just moments from collapse.

The frontman has scored an astonishing 25 in his last 26 matches for Arsenal now, including starts from the bench. No other player in the English leagues can come close to this - Lionel Messi, arguably the best player on the planet, can only just about boast such a comparative hot form.

Yet spectators cannot help but think that without RVP Arsenal would be struggling even more. In the seven matches that Van Persie has scored so far this season, Arsenal have racked up 13 points - this including their Premiership and Champions League campaigns. Had it not been for his goals, Arsenal would have clocked up just four points in the same amount of games. This kind of form would have seen them occupy a relegation spot in the Premiership whilst severely struggling in the Champions League.

With the likes of Fabregas and Nasri departing from the Emirates this season, Wenger has lost two reliable and steady sources of goals. Walcott is out-of-form, and Gervinho is only just starting to settle into life in London. Chamakh has scored just two goals in his last 23 games, without a single assist this season.

The Arsenal bench isn't exactly bubbling with talent up front either. Besides Arshavin, who can be quite hit-and-miss in front of goal, it's no wonder goals are hard to come by for the North London outfit.

Although he hates doing so, it can't be too long until Wenger is going to have to invest in more players come January to bolster his squad. Without mentioning Arsenal's defensive problems, simply put, the team cannot continue to rely on one player to rescue them day in day out, and until another striker, playmaker, or winger is found, this isn't going to change. Otherwise, it may just be coming time for the Peremiership's second-longest serving manager to call it a day.

Certainly, Arsenal fans may feel optimistic about winning six of their last seven (including a Carling Cup win against Shrewsbury Town), but their rise in the table is all about Van Persie and Van Persie alone.

This leads me to think just one thing. What happens when Robin Van Persie gets injured?

Accident Prone

It's probably about time I thought about not cycling. Whenever I take the bike for a spin these days some part of my body ends up tangled in a mesh of metal and concrete (and blood) on the road-side. This time, A+E came a'calling.

Just yesterday I managed to tangle a shirt up in my front wheel and force the bike into a front flip. The shirt had also become tangled up on my arm, meaning when I reached out to the ground mid-fall for protection my hands couldn't follow. Cue to the crash, and my chin taking the brunt of the fall, body weight et al pushed upon it as it nestled nicely into a slab of concrete, forcing multiple drivers to stop and several pedestrians to come running.

That familiar feeling of embarrassement post-crash flooded in, and before I knew what was what I was waving the cars on and hoping the bike was okay. A few minutes later, and a lucky encounter with a coursemate who helped tame the wounds, and I was back on the bike heading home.

Only thing is, after trying to clean up the mess in the sink I realised that the pool of blood stuck around my chin wasn't just a massive drip, but a pretty deep gash. After ending up going to A+E, getting glued up (thankfully avoiding stitches) and getting home again in one piece, only to find I can't eat much since my jaw won't allow much movement and resorting to protein shakes and mocha, I've decided I might just hang up the cycling shoes now. At least the hospital was clean - something that comes as a huge relief after visiting a Parisian hospital a few months ago, where there seemed to be about as much dried blood and dirt as there was disinfectant. Minor win.

Just last week I got a puncture, and snapped the valve cap in the process meaning the tyre couldn't be pumped up. An 11-mile barefoot run soon occured, and left me unable to walk for a good few days.

Before this, I crashed again (thought can't remember how - this is a bad sign) and ended up leaving another nice bruise on my knee that's only just healing now.

To add insult to injury, I can't even do much after my latest accident. I also fell on my shoulder, meaning there isn't much movement coming from my left upper body right now. No gym work then, so that throws out that suggestion to get fitter pre-freshers.

All I'm hoping for now is for my gruesome ol' chin to cure itself pronto. The last thing I want is to look like the elephant man during freshers week come this time next week. Heal chin, heal!

Life Rules to Live By

So I found this on the Internet the other day, but just have to re-post it. Can't find the original source, but I'm sure Google could....

Life's Instructions

1. Have a firm handshake.
2. Look people in the eye.
3. Sing in the shower.
4. Own a great stereo system.
5. If in a fight, hit first and hit hard.
6. Keep secrets.
7. Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen everyday.
8. Always accept an outstretched hand.
9. Be brave. Even if you're not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference.
10. Whistle.
11. Avoid sarcastic remarks.
12. Choose your life's mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 per cent of all your happiness or misery.
13. Make it a habit to do nice things for people who will never find out.
14. Lend only those books you never care to see again.
15. Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all that they have.
16. When playing games with children, let them win.
17. Give people a second chance, but not a third.
18. Be romantic.
19. Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
20. Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life-and-death matters, nothing is as important as it first seems.
21. Don't allow the phone to interrupt important moments. It's there for our convenience, not the caller's.
22. Be a good loser.
23. Be a good winner.
24. Think twice before burdening a friend with a secret.
25. When someone hugs you, let them be the first to let go.
26. Be modest. A lot was accomplished before you were born.
27. Keep it simple.
28. Beware of the person who has nothing to lose.
29. Don't burn bridges. You'll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river.
30. Live your life so that your epitaph could read, No Regrets
31. Be bold and courageous. When you look back on life, you'll regret the
32. things you didn't do more than the one's you did.
33. Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.
34. Remember no one makes it alone. Have a grateful heart and be quick to acknowledge those who helped you.
35. Take charge of your attitude. Don't let someone else choose it for you.
36. Visit friends and relatives when they are in hospital; you need only stay a few minutes.
37. Begin each day with some of your favorite music.
38. Once in a while, take the scenic route.
39. Send a lot of Valentine cards. Sign them, 'Someone who thinks you're terrific.'
40. Answer the phone with enthusiasm and energy in your voice.
41. Keep a note pad and pencil on your bed-side table. Million-dollar ideas sometimes strike at 3 a.m.
42. Show respect for everyone who works for a living, regardless of how trivial their job.
43. Send your loved ones flowers. Think of a reason later.
44. Make someone's day by paying the toll for the person in the car behind you.
45. Become someone's hero.
46. Marry only for love.
47. Count your blessings.
48. Compliment the meal when you're a guest in someone's home.
49. Wave at the children on a school bus.
50. Remember that 80 per cent of the success in any job is based on your ability to deal with people.
51. Don't expect life to be fair.

Setting the record straight - Northern Manners

I've always had it in my head that 'northerners', and by that I generally mean people north of London - aka most of the country - aren't that polite. Being a bit of a snob about it for some reason, I always get the impression that the further north you go, the less polite people get. Turns out, I'm wrong - very wrong.

Whenever I visit Blackpool, which is often once a year for family functions, my first thought of The People of Blackpool are either elderly people, or chavs stuck in the 1990s. Most youngsters don Burberry like it's going out of fashion (ironic, that) and walk around in their chavvyist Adidas or Nike tracksuits. I'm not talking just a hoodie, or the occasional pair of sweats, but the full sh-bang. Air force ones, or something similar to heavy-duty boots looking half-fashionable on the feet, sporty trakky bottoms, a hoody, and a windbreaker on the outside. This may sometimes be accompanied with a cap.

When I've been to Birmingham, the people are pretty similar. 16-year-olds mingle around in groups, giving 'evils' to everyone from babies to pensioners, whilst the elderly rule the streets while the teens are busy buying (or fleecing shopkeepers for) fags and alcohol. A night-out there confirmed by dim view on the citizens there too, when two men attempted to mug me by buying me a drink randomly, paying for it, gaining my trust/attention, whilst another eyed up and made an eventual grab for my pocket. Laughing and walking off seemed the only viable option that wouldn't result in a scene that night.

How times change. I'm not sure if it's because of the places I went, the people I was with, or the fact I've grown up immensely in all manners since I started university, but I viewed the people of Blackpool completely differently. Sure, there were some people (okay, a lot of people) donning tramp stamps and the usual list of dead and alive loved ones scrolled onto upper arms and backs in black ink, but the amount of people going trigger-happy on their Ps and Qs was amazing.

Everyone, everyone, was polite when I spoke to/bumped into them. Some even asked how I was, and they weren't even trying to sell me anything. I felt let down by my own mannerisms - walking into someone on the Tube purposefully for a space seems second nature to me and every commuter in London, yet if a Blackpudlian (this probably isn't the right address, but it's staying) boarded the train they'd be saying sorry more often than they would eat hot dinners.

It's a bit of a shame the difference in manners across the country. Leaving fashion out of it (which Blackpool is still void of) it only takes a second to say the occasional thank-you, sorry, or excuse me, and this is a skill mastered by the 'northerner' - something the average commuter severely lacks.

Final comparison. At a roundabout in Blackpool, we could happily sit patiently in a triangle letting each other go for hours. Meanwhile when someone almost knocked me off my bicycle last week, they shouted profanaties at me and chased me down the road for over-taking them...